


Whatever fate the stars are weaving

by Ailendolin



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Rape Aftermath, Rescue Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-03-23 21:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13797006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailendolin/pseuds/Ailendolin
Summary: His face looks up at her from the padd, his smile perhaps a little smug but still as gentle and lovely as she remembers. It makes her miss him even more and she has to resist the urge to run her fingers over his image. She can’t believe she will never see him again, that she will never be able to hold him close to her or reconnect with him in the way she’d always hoped for. The worst thing about it all is that she doesn’t even know what happened to him.Katrina Cornwell gets orders from Starfleet in regards to Gabriel Lorca she can't follow.





	1. Empty chairs at empty tables

**Author's Note:**

> And another Kat/Gabriel fanfiction by me, this time set after the season finale of Star Trek Discovery, so spoilers for that. This is just my idea of what could happen next for Katrina and how she could get her Gabriel back. The story is probably going to be three chapters long, maybe a little longer. We'll see.
> 
> The title and the lyrics in the story come from the song One Second and a Million Miles - The Bridges of Madison County the Musical. The chapter title comes from the song of the same name from Les Miserables. 
> 
> As with my other stories please keep in mind that I'm not a native speaker. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned here and make no profit with this work. The characters and settings are property of CBS.

**Whatever fate the stars are weaving**

_Whatever fate the stars are weaving_  
_We're not breaking, I'm not leaving._

  
_And you and I are just one second_  
_Spinning by in just one second_  
_You and I have just one second_  
_And a million miles to go._

**Chapter 1: Empty chairs at empty tables**

Starfleet Headquarters is eerily silent as she walks through the empty halls. The sound of her steps echoes hollowly from the bleak walls which feel claustrophobic in a way they never had before. She remembers a time, not so long ago, when the building had been full of life and bustled with people and energy. Now she barely recognizes the place.

She tries to ignore the uneasy feeling that settles over her with every step she takes. Only yesterday she was in Paris, handing out medals and promotions to the crew of the Discovery who somehow managed to save them all by sheer enthusiasm and belief in their ideals. She is so immensely proud of that crew, of what they achieved under circumstances no amount of training could have prepared them for. It had been a delight to see the smiles on their faces and the happiness in their eyes during the ceremony. She’d seen far too little of that during the last year.

It’s that feeling she tries to hold on to as she walks down another empty corridor. Her task today is a grim and all-too familiar one and she knows she has to focus on what little positivity there is in her life right now or she won’t be able to handle it. As highest-ranking Starfleet officer on Earth at the moment it is her duty to keep things running, to make sure people get the recognition they deserve for their war-time deeds, and to see to the funerals and commendations of those who didn’t live to see the end of the war.

The responsibility of it all lies heavy on her shoulders. She can’t begin to express how grateful she is to Commander Burnham for preventing another painful regret from being added to the pile by showing her another way to end the war, one she was too blind and battle-weary to see on her own at the time. Just the thought of how close she had come to destroy Qo’noS makes her shudder. Sometimes she wonders how many more decisions like that she will have to make in her life, and how many will be wrong.

She comes to a stop in front of a door at the end of the hallway and hesitates. She knows what lies beyond and even though she would never admit it out loud she is scared. The last thing she needs right now is visual confirmation of all the loss Starfleet has had to endure in the last year but she knows she has no choice. Taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart she steps forward and the doors move to the side.

The room is just as she remembers it. The round table, the not-so-comfortable chairs and the large sunlit windows are more than a little familiar to her from uncountable meetings she attended here. But where the room before had always seemed welcoming with its warm colors, large space and friendly faces it now seems empty and cold to her. She feels very small as she slowly sits down in the chair that had been designated to her what feels a lifetime ago. The other chairs remain painfully vacant. She tries not to think about that as she pulls out her padd and begins her work. The sooner she gets it done the sooner she can leave these ghosts behind.

She starts by assigning missions to their remaining starships and coordinating the repairs on their starbases. The task is easy enough and she allows her mind to go blank as she orders personnel to where it is needed most. Starfleet Headquarters is already running on emergency staff because she’d dispatched anyone she could spare all over Federation space. The same goes for Starfleet Medical, so now she has to resort to reassigning personnel and cadets from the Academy to where they could be most useful. She never thought it would come to this, to her sending cadets to deal with the mess they’ve made, but she has no choice. Starfleet and the Federation are woefully crippled and understaffed due to the war. Stretched thin as they are they need all the help they can get right now.

She wonders how long it will take them to get back to something that resembles normalcy. She has no doubt that Starfleet and the Federation as institutions will prevail but she is worried about their members. The war has left its marks on many of them, herself included. Some are physical and hidden beneath her uniform. Others can’t be seen at all but are still raw and bleeding. She hasn’t had time to deal with them yet and she’s afraid the longer she leaves them unattended the less chance there is they will ever heal. There are things she has done, things that have been done to her that she will never forget.  Her thoughts unwillingly go to Qo’noS again. She still can’t believe she and the rest of the Federation Council sanctioned the destruction of a whole planet. It goes against everything she’s been taught and believes in and yet she had still given the order because she’d been so desperate for peace.

She’s never going to forgive herself for that.

She reaches for a second padd and a list of names appears on the screen. She freezes and looks up at the empty chairs around her. For a second her breath gets caught in her throat. It’s one thing to organize funerals and commendation ceremonies for people on distant starbases and starships she’d never met. It’s quite another when there are familiar faces and beloved memories attached to the names staring up at her.

Her eyes take in the names of colleagues and friends who gave their lives trying to hold Starfleet and the Federation together. Two of her former captains are among them. They used to sit with her in the very same room she is working in now, planning war strategies and exploration efforts alike. Her gaze wanders from one chair to another, imagining her friends and colleagues sitting here with her, and her vision blurs. Angrily, she wipes the tears away and takes a deep breath. There’s no time for grief now. She thought there would be after the war, but she was wrong. There is so much work to be done and the future they fought so hard for rests on the shoulders of the few survivors of Command. She is one of them and she doesn’t have the luxury to cry for everyone she lost, at least not now, not yet. Maybe after they’ve rebuilt their lives, she thinks – she hopes.  

So she soldiers on, writes funeral speeches, records personal messages to the families of her friends and does everything she can to honor her dead colleagues. It takes her almost all day and by the time she finally finishes she feels emotionally exhausted. There’s a sharp pain in her neck when she looks up from her padd. The setting sun tinges the conference room in an orange light. It does nothing to make it feel less cold and lonely. Her mouth is dry and her stomach aches for lunch and dinner. She ignores them both.

Her hand trembles as she pulls the last padd out of her bag. The name Gabriel Lorca flashes on the screen and for a moment she just looks at it. There’s a message of her direct superior on that padd, telling her to erase the name of her dearest friend from history. The Federation doesn’t want any knowledge of the mirror universe to make it into public records and she gets that, even agrees with it. She just never thought they would have to go this far to hide the truth.

There, right in front of her, history is being changed. The report of the Buran incident now says Gabriel Lorca died by suicide when he set his ship to self-destruct. Since only a few people know it didn’t happen that way and they have all been sworn to secrecy, herself included, it’s the easiest and most convenient way to keep his mirror self’s actions hidden. Now Starfleet wants her to sign off on the report and add it to their official records but she has no idea how she is supposed to do that. Her Gabriel wasn’t a coward. He wasn’t evil and full of ulterior motives. It wasn’t him who had blown up the Buran, pointed a phaser at her head and left her to die on a Klingon vessel. She may not know what happened to him but she knows he’d never do any of those things the imposter did and shouldn’t have to pay for them. He was a good officer and a great captain who had always served Starfleet as best as he could. More importantly to her, he was a good and kind man, a dear friend and a partner she could always rely on. She doesn’t want him to become a footnote of shame in Starfleet history. The Gabriel she knows and loves doesn’t deserve that.

His face looks up at her from the padd, his smile perhaps a little smug but still as gentle and lovely as she remembers. It makes her miss him even more and she has to resist the urge to run her fingers over his image. She can’t believe she will never see him again, that she will never be able to hold him close to her or reconnect with him in the way she’d always hoped for. The worst thing about it all is that she doesn’t even know what happened to him. She remembers herself saying he’d have to be dead if he switched places with the other Lorca but now that she had a little time to process things and think about it she isn’t so sure. If the other him managed to impersonate him so well who’s to say her Gabriel couldn’t be just as resourceful? What if she’d underestimated him and he is still alive? Maybe hurt, maybe captured, maybe in one of those torture chambers Burnham told her about, but ultimately alive? What if he’s waiting for a rescue that’s never going to come because Starfleet declared him dead?

It’s that thought, that uncertainty, which haunts her day and night. The more she thinks about it the more certain she is there is at least a possibility that he might still be out there, somewhere. She even voiced her thoughts on this matter to her direct superior a few days ago but had been told in no uncertain terms that the case was closed. Starfleet would not go looking for Gabriel Lorca and the padd in front of her confirms that. By signing off on the report she would condemn her Gabriel to death, in more ways than one.

In her mind, Commander Burnham’s voice gently reminds her, “We are Starfleet. We leave no man behind.”

She closes her eyes and hides her face in her hands. She has no idea what to do. There’s no way of knowing if he’s still alive. There is only her suspicion which may or may not be nothing more than a desperate woman’s wishful thinking. She knows she’s not objective when it comes to Gabriel but if there’s even a remote chance, no matter how small, that he is still out there and waiting for them to bring him home – how could she possibly ignore it?

She looks at the empty chairs around her. There is nothing she can do for the friends and colleagues already buried. Nothing will ever bring them back, no words and no amount of grief. But Gabriel isn’t them. He hasn’t been buried, hasn’t had a funeral, and she refuses to dig his grave with her very own signature. Everyone else may have given up on him but she won’t. If that turns out to be another wrong decision she makes in her life then so be it. It’s a risk she’s willing to take. She needs to know the truth and there is only one group of people who can help her with that.

Pushing the padd with the Buran report firmly away from her, she turns to the console on the table and hails the Discovery on a private and secure channel.

“Commander Saru,” she smiles as the Kelpien’s face appears on the monitor.

He inclines his head. “Admiral Cornwell.”

“I have a favor to ask and you’re not going to like it.”

* * *

A universe away, Gabriel Lorca tries not to give up hope as he keeps counting the days.


	2. Heart don't fail me now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for all the kudos and so many kind comments! I'm really glad you enjoy the premise of this story!
> 
> Now, I'm not quite happy with this chapter. I kept rewriting and rewriting it but I don't know. I guess it's just one of those chapters with which you as an author are never quite satisfied with. Btw, the title comes from the song "Journey to the Past" from Anastasia the animated movie (and musical). 
> 
> But I also have good news! Remember when I said this is probably going to be three chapters? I lied. I've already written four chapters over the last few days for this story and it's still not finished. If I had to guess right now, I'd say we're looking at five or six chapters for this fic, maybe more depending on how inspiration strikes.

**Chapter 2: Heart, don’t fail me now**

“I want to stress this one more time: I can’t and won’t order you to do this. If anyone feels uncomfortable with what we’re about to do, please don’t hesitate to say so. I’ll fully understand if you don’t want to be a part of this.”

Katrina looks Sarek and each senior staff member of the Discovery crew in the eyes as she says this. Determined faces stare back at her. No one comes forward.

“Anyone?” she asks again because she needs to be sure they realize what is at stake. “I am going against Starfleet here and I can’t promise this won’t impact your careers. I’ll understand completely if you consider the personal and professional risks too high.”

Again, no one moves. They all meet her eyes unflinchingly and, slowly, the realization sinks in that she has their support in this matter – something she hasn’t dared dream of when she contacted the Discovery a month ago. Even though both Commanders Saru and Burnham as well as Sarek had promised her their help after she explained her plan she’d been scared they’d change their minds in the weeks it took her to deal with Starfleet business on Earth. Not only had she needed to find excuses not to sign off on the Buran incident report, she also had to come up with a good reason to travel to Discovery. Organizing everything had taken longer than she’d liked and the more days passed, the more anxious she got. By the time she finally stepped aboard Discovery she had all but convinced herself they wouldn’t and shouldn’t go through with the rescue mission – not because it wasn’t worth it but because the risks were too high. Instead of letting her concerns deter them, however, Saru and his senior staff had patiently talked her through the plan they had come up with, reassuring her that the risks were not just acceptable but manageable.

Katrina hopes they’re right and she won’t come to regret this. If something goes wrong and just one crewmember comes to harm because she couldn’t leave well enough alone, she knows she’ll never forgive herself.

She must have been quiet for too long because Saru suddenly steps forward. “Admiral,” he begins, “we are all aware of the risks and dangers of this mission. We’re also aware that one of ours may be stranded in the Terran universe. Commander Burnham’s research suggests Captain Lorca was captured after he switched places with his mirror counterpart and is being held on one of the Empire’s prison planets. While we do not know his status now, we do know he was alive when Discovery jumped back into our universe. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we will do everything in our power to bring him home – even if it means going against Starfleet’s orders.”

His words move her so much she has trouble keeping her emotions in check. She knows these people have no reason to help her or Gabriel. They barely know her and they never met him and yet here they are, willing to risk their lives and their careers to mount a rescue mission, just because they believe it’s the right thing to do. Their bravery, compassion and willingness to help absolutely astonish her.

Stamets steps up next to Saru and gives her a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, Admiral. I know exactly where to jump. Discovery will be hidden in the shadow of the planet’s moon and with a bit of luck we’ll remain undetected until Commander Saru returns with Captain Lorca.”

“And you’re certain the jump will be safe?” she asks – and not for the first time. “We’re not doing this if there’s even a remote chance of you ending up catatonic again. Or worse.”

“I’m certain,” Stamets says with confidence. “I know my way around the mycelial network, Admiral. I can take us anywhere you want to go and I can bring us home again just as well – to the exact same place and time we left. Or any other time and place you prefer,” he adds.

Katrina shakes her head. “We’re not tampering with the timeline,” she says in a voice that breaks no argument.

Stamets gives her a nod of approval. “Good.”

She takes one last look at the people around her before she finally allows herself to believe this is happening.  She takes a deep breath. “Well, it looks like we’re really doing this. I want to take this moment to thank each and every one of you for your help. I know what the other Lorca put you through and I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see that face again. But my Gabriel … he isn’t like that, I promise you. He is a good man.”

It’s Burnham who smiles at her and says, “Everyone deserves a second chance, and we know Captain Lorca is not responsible for the actions of the imposter. We look forward to meeting him.”

“Thank you,” Katrina says once more, heartfelt.

One by one they nod at her before they file out of the ready room to go to their stations. Hope kindles in her heart as she watches them leave, but there is one more thing she needs to do before they jump. “Commander Saru, a word please?”

The Kelpien turns around to look at her and Sarek. “Yes, Admiral?”

“I want to ask you once more: are you sure you’re comfortable with doing this?”

He cocks his head to the side. “Admiral, I thought we’ve just established that Discovery will aid you in your search for Captain Lorca –“

Katrina holds up her hand and smiles. “I don’t mean the mission. I’m talking about your part in it.”

“Oh,” Saru says. He nods without hesitation. “I am sure, Admiral. From what Commander Burnham has told me about the fate of my kind in the Terran universe there are almost certainly Kelpiens on that planet. It is only logical that I be the one who infiltrates the prison. Ambassador Sarek will surely agree.”

Katrina follows his gaze to the Vulcan. Sarek inclines his head. “I do. By posing as a slave Commander Saru will have unique access to the compound and his presence won’t arouse suspicions.”

Katrina knows all that but she still has a bad feeling about sending Saru down into hostile territory without backup. “If anything goes wrong I want you to abort the mission and call for an emergency beam-out, no matter what. Your safety comes first, Commander, is that understood?”

“Understood, Admiral,” he agrees. “I will go get changed now, with your permission.”

“Good luck, Saru,” she says quietly. The doors close behind him and for a moment she stares at them in silence. “Am I doing the right thing?”

She feels Sarek’s gaze rest on her. “Would you be here if you didn’t believe that?”

“No, but I don’t trust my judgment anymore. Not in this, not when it comes to Gabriel,” Katrina admits.

“Then trust mine,” Sarek says simply. “Trust your crew’s. It is always right to save a life.”

It’s exactly what she’s been telling herself for the last few days but the doubts still linger. “Even if it comes at the cost of someone else’s? I’m putting a whole crew at risk here for one person who might not even be alive. That’s not logical, is it?”

“Perhaps not, but it is human,” Sarek says, almost gently. “That doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice, Katrina.”

She closes her eyes and nods. “I hope you’re right,” she whispers as the Black Alert is activated.

* * *

She barely dares to breathe as she waits for Saru to report in. The jump to the Terran universe went without a hitch, just like Stamets had promised, and they arrived exactly where they wanted to be, in the shadow of a moon and hidden from both sight and sensors. The moment their position had been verified Burnham beamed Saru down to the planet and then everything went quiet. They’d agreed Saru would only use his communicator in a case of emergency or when he finds Gabriel. Given the size of the prison complex Saru had to search chances are high they are in for a long wait.

One hour goes by without news. The second passes and her legs and lower back begin to ache from standing still for so long. She refuses to sit in the captain’s chair, however. It’s not hers and she’s not here to take it from Saru again. It doesn’t feel right, not when it’s a personal request that brought her to Discovery.

By the time they’ve waited four hours she begins to pace. She feels Sarek’s gaze settle on her, worried for a Vulcan’s, but he refrains from saying anything. She knows she doesn’t exactly represent confidence right now but she can’t help worrying. This isn’t a normal mission for her and she’s fully aware of the fact that she’s emotionally compromised. It’s something she made very clear when she debriefed Discovery’s crew on the nature of her request. There’s no use in trying to hide her apprehension now, not when the people around her know how personal this is for her.

When the fifth and sixth hours pass without news morale on the bridge begins to falter. The atmosphere is tense and more than once Katrina catches the crew glancing nervously at each other. They all know the longer they stay here, the higher the chances are they’re going to be discovered. Their time limit for this mission is ten hours – if Saru doesn’t find Gabriel within the next four hours they will beam him out and jump back to their universe. The thought of coming home without Gabriel is becoming more and more real with every minute that passes. Time is slowly running out and Katrina doesn’t know what she’ll do if they risked everything only to fail in the end. 

By the time they finally hear from Saru, just short of the eight hour mark, she feels almost sick with worry and fear. She forgets all about that the moment she hears Saru’s voice.

“Saru to Discovery,” he whispers. “I have found Captain Lorca.”

Relief washes over her and she has to grab the back of the captain’s chair for support. “Good work, Commander. Transporter room, two to beam up.”

There is a short silence and then Burnham reports, “Captain Lorca and Commander Saru are on board and already on their way to sickbay, Admiral.”

Katrina desperately wants to ask how Gabriel is but her priority right now has to be the safe return to their universe, so she says, “Understood, Commander. Cornwell to Ensign Tilly. Are we ready to jump?”

“Yes, Admiral,” Tilly says at once. “Lieutenant Commander Stamets has just given me the thumbs up.”

Katrina bites her lip to hide a smile. “Then bring us home.”

The jump is quick and leaves her stomach churning. When she looks out the viewport she sees only the vastness of space and no prison planet. “Report. Where and when are we?” she asks, trying not to get her hopes up. 

It is Sarek who answers from the science station, “Exactly where and when we came from.”

Katrina doesn’t know if she imagines the small smile pulling his lips upwards or not but her own happiness is not so easily contained. She feels weeks of tension seep from her shoulders as her eyes well up. She tries her best to breathe through her emotions and closes her eyes for a moment. Breath by breath the realization sinks in: Gabriel is alive. She has him back.

“Tilly to Admiral Cornwell,” she is suddenly being hailed. Her eyes snap open.

“Yes, Ensign?” Katrina asks. Dread pools in her stomach as her mind automatically imagines the worst. “Is Lieutenant Commander Stamets alright?”

“More than alright, if I had to guess,” Tilly goes on cryptically. “We, uh … look, Admiral, you better come down here. You’ve got to see this for yourself.”

She shares a confused look with Sarek and moves towards the turbolift. “I’m on my way. Detmer, you have the bridge.”

The corridors of Discovery seem endless as she briskly walks towards the science labs. Her way takes her past sickbay and she wishes she could go inside and see Gabriel but Tilly’s words still echo in her head. Whatever happened with Stamets has to come first, no matter how much her heart disagrees. She hasn’t seen Gabriel in over a year – she’s sure she’ll survive another few minutes without him.

When Katrina steps through the doors into the spores lab she stops abruptly in her tracks. “Dr. Culber?”

A little breathlessly, Stamets and Culber break apart in front of her while Tilly waves a little awkwardly, face as red as her hair. Culber smiles at her. “It is good to see you again, Admiral.”

Dumbfounded and more than a little tactlessly, she says, “You’re dead.”

Stamets smiles and shakes his head. “He was alive in the mycelial network. I found him, and I brought him home.” He looks at Culber with so much love and adoration it makes her want to look away and find the pair of blue eyes who used to look at her like that, a lifetime ago.

“How?” she asks, turning to Tilly for help.

The young ensign shrugs and holds her hands up. “Don’t look at me. I just monitor him and take care of the spores. When we jumped back, Dr. Culber suddenly appeared out of nowhere. That’s all I know.”

“Alright,” Katrina says, pinching her nose. The how doesn’t really matter right now, she supposes, not when they just got two people back from the dead instead of one. There are matters of security she has to consider, however, so she says, “I want all three of you in sickbay right now.” She almost smiles when she catches Tilly wrinkling her nose. “No offense, Dr. Culber, but we need to make sure you’re who you appear to be.”

“I completely understand, Admiral,” Culber reassures her. He reaches for Stamets’ hand. “Let’s go, shall we?”

They look so happy and in love it makes her heart ache even more.

* * *

In sickbay, Gabriel Lorca patiently lets the doctors do their work while he waits for the one person he missed most during his imprisonment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Next chapter, we're finally going to see Kat and Gabriel's reunion!


	3. At last return us home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thanks again for all your support! This chapter's title comes from a song from the Lord of the Rings Musical "The Song of Hope (Duet)". It's actually quite fitting for Kat und Gabe, now that I think about it.

**Chapter 3: At last return us home  
**

The moment Katrina steps into sickbay, her eyes find his and the world stops.

Burnham, Saru and the medical staff look more than a little surprised when they recognize Dr. Culber among her companions. When the initial shock of seeing a dead man walking fades there is a flurry of movement and a thousand questions are being asked while Culber, Stamets and Tilly are each being led to a biobed. Saru and Burnham turn to her, their confusion and astonishment not quite gone from their faces, and begin reporting on everything she’s missed.

Katrina doesn’t see or hear any of it. The only thing she’s aware of is Gabriel, sitting up on one of the biobeds in the corner, looking a little worse for wear but alive – blessedly alive. He’s smiling at her in wonder and while his eyes crinkle a little more at the corners than she remembers they’re still as bright and blue as a summer’s day. There’s a familiar warmth and softness in his gaze she’s missed dearly and could get lost in. His cheekbones, she notices, are more pronounced than she’s ever seen them and her heart constricts painfully when she realizes he’s been starved. Her gaze roams over the rest of his body, searching for further signs of mistreatment, but much to her relief apart from a bandaged ankle she finds nothing.

“I hear I’ve got to thank you for my rescue,” Gabriel breaks the silence. His voice is a little hoarse and Katrina hopes it’s from disuse rather than torture. She feels it wash over her and a weight she hadn’t known she carried lifts off her shoulders. He is safe and he is home. Against all odds she got him back and here he is, right in front of her, alive and breathing and smiling. She draws in a shaky breath and brings up a hand to stifle a sob as all her worries and fears fall away.

“Gabriel,” she whispers.

His eyes soften. “Hello, Kat.”

She takes an unsteady step in his direction. Someone, maybe Burnham or Saru, asks her if she’s alright but the voice is muffled and far away. In a distant part of her brain she realizes she is breathing too fast, too shallowly, but she doesn’t care. She takes step after step until she is finally standing next to his biobed. With a trembling hand, she reaches for his. His skin is warm beneath her fingers and she feels his heartbeat fluttering beautifully underneath his skin. That more than anything tells her this is real and she isn’t dreaming. Her breathing slows. “It’s really you.”

“It’s really _you_ ,” he repeats. Her gaze flicks up from their entwined hands to his face. She wonders how often he dreamed about being rescued. His damp eyes and vice-like grip tell her better than any words could and her heart breaks for him.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to come and get you,” Katrina whispers, shakily. “I’m so, so sorry, Gabriel.”

He nods. “I know. C’mere?”

She’s been afraid of this moment. Those few times she allowed herself to imagine seeing him again she’d always feared her encounter with the other Lorca would make her hesitate and taint what she’d shared with her Gabriel. But now that he’s here, opening his arms for her and inviting her in, it’s only him she sees, not the false one. Relieved, she lets her tears fall freely and she moves forward, bringing her arms up around him. One of her hands moves up to cradle the back of his head while the other holds on to his shoulder. She doesn’t care that his hair is filthy and in tangles as she gently cards her fingers through it just like she used to. It doesn’t matter that she can smell the months of his imprisonment on him and feel his ribs through the thin shirt he is wearing. All she cares about is that she finally, impossibly, has him back in her arms again.

“I thought you’d given up on me,” Gabriel admits only for her to hear in the safety of their embrace. His too-thin frame begins to shake in her arms and when he hides his face in her shoulder Katrina tightens her hold on him.

“Never,” she promises fiercely. “Do you hear me, Gabriel? Never.”

He melts against her. “Thank you,” he breathes.

He sounds so grateful her eyes begin to sting with new tears. They’re both painfully familiar with imprisonment from Starfleet missions gone wrong, but Katrina can only imagine what it feels like to be stuck for over a year in a different universe with no hope of escape whatsoever and a snowball’s chance in hell of being rescued. She doesn’t know how he managed to stay sane (the professional part of her brain reminds her that this has yet to be determined) and didn’t give up hope in the face of such bad odds but she’s immensely grateful he did.

Before she can say anything, Sarek’s voice comes through the ship’s communication system. “Bridge to Admiral Cornwell. Starfleet is hailing us. They wish to speak to you.”

Katrina startles so badly she takes a step back and breaks the embrace. The rest of sickbay comes back into focus once more. Everything is too bright and too loud and she feels the eyes of the crew uncomfortably on her back.

“Admiral?” Sarek asks. “Are you listening?”

Katrina stares at Gabriel in regret before she straightens her back and furiously wipes her tears away. Taking a deep, shaky breath that does nothing to calm her nerves she says, “I’m on my way, Ambassador.” She turns to Gabriel with a lump in her throat. “I’m sorry. I … I don’t want to leave but, well, you heard him. Will you be alright?”

It’s a stupid question and she knows that more than anyone but she needs to know he’ll be okay or she won’t be able to bring herself to leave.

“I’ll be fine,” Gabriel reassures her though the damp streaks on his cheeks tell another story. She can count the times she’s seen him cry on one hand. “Will you?”

“I –“ she begins surprised, and falters. She shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

He picks up on the note of apprehension she can’t quite hide. “Kat, what’s happening? What did you do?”

“What I had to,” Katrina whispers. She gives his hand one more squeeze before she forces herself to let go. “I’ll see you later, as soon as I can.” Then, before she loses her courage, she tells him, “I love you.”

She catches his surprised look before she turns around and briskly walks out of sickbay. She doesn’t look back, knowing if she does she’ll turn around and reach for him again. Already she can feel the fear of letting him out of her sight constrict her chest. She tries to ignore it and hurries to the nearest turbolift. It only gets worse.

There are two sets of steps behind hers and Katrina knows without having to look over her shoulder that Burnham and Saru are following her. A part of her is grateful for their silent support even though all she wants is to be alone right now. Her mind is a whirlwind of emotions and she needs a moment to get herself back under control. A short ride in a turbolift isn’t nearly enough for that but she has to make do.

The doors open and she steps onto the bridge. She keeps her back straight and her head held high, trying to appear more confident than she feels. Heads turn around to look at her and she can only imagine what they see: red-rimmed eyes, dark shadows from lack of sleep beneath them, in a tired face. She ignores their nervous glances.

“Put me through to Starfleet Command,” Katrina orders, needing to get this over with. A moment later a holographic image of Admiral Terral appears before her. “Admiral,” she acknowledges him with an inclination of her head. Her voice is calm but her heart is racing in her chest.

“Admiral Cornwell,” the Vulcan says, sounding highly displeased for someone who suppresses all his emotions. “Would you care to explain why Discovery vanished briefly from our sensors half an hour ago?”

Katrina doesn’t even consider lying and instead gives a full report on their rescue mission as well as Dr. Culber’s miraculous appearance. She stresses the fact that she commanded the crew to use the spore drive to jump to the Terran Universe, hoping to prevent disciplinary actions against them. “I want it to be noted that the crew of the Discovery acted on my orders. I am taking full responsibility for the jumps made under my command, Admiral.”

“That you shall,” Terral says. “You went against Starfleet orders, utilized the spore drive which we deemed too risky to use, and crossed universes – something we unanimously agreed must not be done, if I remember correctly.”

He pauses and raises an eyebrow at her. She nods. “You do, Admiral.”

“You might lose your rank, your whole career, because of this, Katrina,” Terral tells her, sounding a little regretful. “It was a foolish thing to do.”

She glances over at Sarek and says, “Foolish, perhaps, but that doesn’t mean it was wrong. Starfleet doesn’t leave people behind and we managed to bring two of ours home. For that I’ll gladly face whatever consequences you deem necessary.”

Terral regards her quietly for a moment. “You are suspended until further notice,” he finally declares. “Discovery will take you, Captain Lorca and Dr. Culber back to Earth where we will determine what to do with you.”

His holographic image vanishes and the tension in her body leaves with it. The bridge is awfully quiet as every face looks at her. Katrina takes a breath, schools her face into a calm expression and says, “You heard the Admiral. Set a course for Earth.”

Burnham steps forward. “Admiral, you shouldn’t have to take the fall for this. We –“

“Let me stop you right there, Commander,” Katrina says, holding up her hand. “I knew the moment I contacted you a month ago this would be, for lack of a better word, mutiny and I was prepared to face the consequences of my actions then and I am so now. We knew Starfleet would find out about this sooner or later and I promised I would do anything in my power to protect you from the fallout. So please, Commander Burnham, let me do this now.” She turns to look at the crew. “You, all of you, have done me a huge favor today, one I can never repay. It is because of your kindness, compassion and bravery that two of our people are back with us, safe and sound. You gave them a second chance after Starfleet gave up on them and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.” She smiles at them and blinks her tears away. “I am so proud of you. I know that doesn’t mean much but I wanted you to know that.”

“On the contrary,” Saru says softly, “that means quite a lot to us, Admiral.”

Not for the first time Katrina wishes Starfleet Command had heeded her suggestion to make him captain of the Discovery. He’s come a long way since their first meeting all those years ago, just before he started attending the Academy. She smiles at him. “Thank you, Mr. Saru. I will confine myself to quarters, now.”

It’s standard procedure when an officer is suspended but to her surprise Burnham shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s necessary, is it, Saru?”

“I don’t believe it is,” the Kelpien agrees. “You may return to sickbay if you wish, Admiral.”

She hears Gabriel’s name unspoken in his words.

* * *

On his biobed, Gabriel Lorca can’t get those three words out of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Next chapter we'll see Kat having a little run-in with Tilly and Gabriel finally learns what happened while he was gone.


	4. We were just human to error prone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I originally planned to upload this chapter on Saturday but I just got some very good news (I was just told I got the job I applied for!), so I thought I'd give you this chapter a little early =) Thanks again for all your comments and kudos! It's so lovely to see that people are enjoying what I write. I'm currently working on chapter 6, so you can expect chapter 5 to be online on Sunday or Monday, I guess.
> 
> The chapter title, as usual, comes from a musical. This time it's from Children of Eden and the song by the same name.

**Chapter 4: We were just human to error prone  
**

Katrina goes straight to sickbay but once she’s there she hesitates. Her last words to Gabriel ring in her head and she can’t help but wonder how he took them. In all the years they’ve known each other neither of them had ever said _I love you_. In the beginning it hadn’t seemed important to say the words. They were both young and carefree back then, enjoying life to the fullest and caring little about putting a name to the thing between them. But the thing grew and kept growing until it turned into the longest relationship she ever had. They’ve never called it that, of course – a relationship. They were Kat and Gabriel and that was enough for them at the time. But the longer they stayed together the harder it became to find the right moment to put their feelings into words.

In the end they never did.

It’s one of the biggest regrets of her life and that’s why she needed to tell Gabriel when she had the chance. She’s tired of only showing him she cares in small gestures, even though she knows they both treasure those little reminders of happier times. Her lips pull up in a smile as she remembers the highly sarcastic mission reports he records just for her, a habit he picked up on his first assignment on a starship. He always leaves out all the classified details, of course, but the reports are so full of mundane and silly things about everyday life on a ship they never fail to make her laugh. In return she makes him his favorite cake every now and then just to see him smile even though she hates baking and he knows it. Then there are the flowers – potted, never cut – he always gives her on her birthday with a big, smug grin on his face. He takes her hiking if Starfleet missions allow it, until they’re at her favorite place in the universe just in time to watch the sun set. On the birthdays he can’t make it to Earth he always arranges for the flowers to be delivered and finds the time to call her. He sings her _Happy Birthday_ then – deliberately off-tune because he knows she finds it funny.

In all the years she’s known him he never forgot her birthday.

Then last year happened.

She still recalls how hurt she felt when no flowers arrived at her door that morning. She’d known he was on Discovery, working to find a way to end the war, so she hadn’t expected him to show up in person, but when no flowers came and he still hadn’t called by the time she went to bed that night she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d finally moved on from what they’d shared for so long.

Now, of course, she knows it wasn’t anything like that. Her Gabriel hadn’t forgotten her – he’d been stuck in another universe. The other Lorca couldn’t possibly have known about their year-long traditions. She suspects he never met her counterpart in his universe, certainly didn’t share with that Katrina what she and her Gabriel had. It explains why he didn’t know about the Perseid meteor shower and didn’t send her flowers – but knowing that doesn’t make the disappointment and hurt she felt on her birthday any less real.

The doors in front of her open suddenly and only her quick reflexes keep her from being all but run-over by Tilly. “Oh, hi, Admiral! Sorry, uh, I didn’t see you there. Obviously,” Tilly chuckles self-consciously.

“No harm done, Ensign,” Katrina assures her. “Have you been cleared for duty?”

Tilly nods brightly. “Yes, I’m right as rain – as are Lieutenant Commander Stamets and Dr. Culber, in case you’re interested – which of course you are, what with you being an admiral, Admiral.”

Katrina can’t quite keep the amused smile off her face as she regards the young ensign. She likes Tilly, has from the first moment she met her, not despite her awkwardness but because of it. “Have they already been released?”

“Yes,” Tilly says. “You just missed them. The tests all checked out and they’re off to celebrate, I reckon.”

Tilly gives her a wink and Katrina can just imagine what the ensign means by celebrating. “Then we better not disturb them,” she tells her.

Tilly tries and fails to hide her grin. “Yes, good idea,” she agrees. “And while we’re talking about celebrating: Captain Lorca is about to be released as well.” Katrina tries very hard not to blush at the insinuation but some of her embarrassment must show on her face because Tilly’s eyes widen and she slaps both hands over her mouth. “Oh God, I’m so sorry, Admiral. I didn’t mean it like that. Not that you two can’t celebrate, uh, personally, but it’s just, getting Captain Lorca back was the mission and we succeeded in that, so yay? Celebration?” She pauses. “I should shut up now.”

Tilly looks as mortified as Katrina feels so she takes pity on the both of them and says, “Let’s just pretend this conversation never happened, Ensign.”

“Yes, thank you,” Tilly breathes. “I’ll be going now,” She moves to leave but turns around once more. “Admiral, can I say something before I go?” Katrina nods a little warily, but to her surprise Tilly’s face grows serious. “I just wanted you to know that you were right – about Captain Lorca, I mean. I talked to him a little while the doctors checked us over and he … he seems like a good, decent guy. I’m glad we went and got him back.”

Touched by the honest words, Katrina places her hand on Tilly’s shoulder and gives it a brief squeeze. “So am I, Ensign.”

Tilly gives her a bright smile before she walks off and Katrina is once more faced with a pair of closed doors. This time she steps through them without any hesitation. Gabriel is still sitting on his biobed, staring with barely concealed suspicion at the tricorder a doctor moves over his body. Katrina smiles, remembering his _slight_ aversion to medical appointments. Gabriel’s friends at the Academy had teased him mercilessly when they found out he’d become best friends with one of the doctors he always complains about.

He looks up at the sound of the doors and his eyes meet hers across the room. The way Gabriel smiles at her, all the tension draining from his body, makes her feel hopeful that she hasn’t ruined everything earlier with her confession. She walks closer until she’s standing right next to him, offering silent support. They both watch quietly as the doctor works. When the tricorder makes its way a fourth time across Gabriel’s body, Katrina starts to get worried. From where she’s standing she can’t see the readings on the device but her mind comes up with a hundred different things Gabriel could suffer from apart from malnutrition. He notices her unease and reaches for her hand, squeezing it. “I’m fine, Kat.”

The doctor looks up from her tricorder and nods. “He is, Admiral. Apart from the weakened muscles in his ankle the chains caused there’s nothing a few good meals won’t cure.” She turns her attention back to Gabriel. “I recommend seeing a trauma specialist once you’re back on Earth, Captain.”

Gabriel looks from the doctor to Katrina. “Already have one right here, Doc,” he grins, though Katrina can see it’s only half-heartedly.

The doctor doesn’t look amused. “Someone who isn’t involved,” she clarifies. “I’m sure Admiral Cornwell can recommend someone to you.”

“Of course,” Katrina says. She knows she can’t be Gabriel’s therapist – not just because they know each other but because she’s aware she needs help herself, not to mention the fact that she’s suspended and may well lose her job.

“Alright,” the doctor says, finally putting her tricorder away – much to Gabriel’s relief, Katrina notices. “I see no reason to keep you here any longer, Captain Lorca. Physically, you’re fine except for your weight loss.” She hands him a padd. “I’ve put together a dietary plan for you so we can get you used to proper meals again. Please stick to it or you’ll be back here sooner than you’d like.”

Gabriel nods. “I will, Doc. Thanks.”

Katrina can attest to that. Gabriel always follows doctor’s orders if only to avoid another trip to sickbay. The doctor, apparently, doesn’t quite believe him for she turns to Katrina and says, “Keep an eye on him, Admiral. And if I may be so bold? You could use a few good meals yourself.”

Katrina blinks at her, taken aback, but the doctor is already turning around and walking away from them.

“You do look a little thin,” Gabriel cautiously comments as his eyes move over her body.

Katrina knows it’s true and she resists the urge to tug at her uniform. She hasn’t been eating as regularly as she should have in the last few weeks, not to mention during the war, and it shows. Her uniform only fits loosely anymore and she’s aware she’s starting to look a bit sickly. She hopes she’ll finally have time to take care of herself now that the war is over and she has Gabriel back. “I’ll be fine,” she assures him. “Want to leave?”

“You have no idea,” Gabriel murmurs. He slides off the bed and she’s happy to notice he doesn’t favor his bandaged ankle much. “That doctor wouldn’t know what humor is if it hit her in the face. I never thought I’d say this but I really miss Isabella’s bedside manner. It might not be exactly caring but at least she has one. How is she, do you know?”

Katrina’s steps falter. Dr. Isabella Tanner was the Chief Medical Officer on the Buran and a close friend of both of them since their days at the Academy. She died along with everyone else on the ship over a year ago.

“Let’s get you to your quarters so you can clean up, alright?” she suggests, ushering Gabriel out of sickbay and down the corridor.

He looks at her with a mix of confusion and apprehension. “Kat, what aren’t you telling me? Did something happen to Isabella?”

She forces herself to keep walking and he has no choice but to follow her. “Trust me, it’s better if we talk about this in your quarters.”

He stays quiet the rest of the way, lost in thoughts, and so does she. She has no idea how she’s going to break the news of his ship’s destruction and the deaths of his crew to him. Until a moment ago she’d thought he’d known, somehow, but how could he? By the time his mirror counterpart blew up the Buran the two of them had already switched places. She realizes there’s a lot she has to fill him in on, and she doesn’t look forward to it.

His quarters are just a short walk and turbolift ride from sickbay. They’re situated next to hers and across from Sarek’s and she leads him into the spacious rooms. He stops two steps in and fixes her with a look as the doors slide close behind him. “Will you now tell what’s going on?”

“Please sit down,” Katrina says, gesturing to the couch. For a moment she thinks he’s going to refuse but then he sighs and walks over. She takes a deep breath. “There’s no easy way to say this, Gabriel,” she begins. “I don’t know how much the others told you already but when you got transported to the Terran universe you switched places with another Gabriel Lorca. He pretended to be you and he … he initiated the self-destruct of the Buran. He claimed it was to spare your crew the suffering of Klingon imprisonment but I highly doubt his intentions were so noble. Everyone died that day, except for him.”

The color drains from Gabriel’s face. “He destroyed my ship while my crew was still on it?”

Katrina nods. “I’m so sorry, Gabriel. Isabella’s gone. They’re all gone.”

For a moment, Gabriel remains perfectly still, staring straight through her into nothingness. Then, abruptly, he stands up and backs away from her. “I … I think I’m going to take a shower now, get all this grime and filth off me.”

He doesn’t wait for her reply before he flees into the bathroom. A moment later Katrina hears the unmistakable sounds of retching and she buries her face in her hands. She knows exactly how he feels, has been there a hundred times – hidden in a bathroom, a ready room, her quarters until she got her emotions back under control. Sometimes she’d barely made it.

She hears the shower start and focuses on the sound to calm herself. Gabriel has never been one for long showers but today he takes his time and she can’t blame him for it. She remembers how she felt after weeks on that Klingon ship, how desperately she longed to be clean again. She can only imagine how he must feel after living in a cell for over a year. Against her will her eyes well up and she blinks against the tears. To think that Starfleet would have let him rot there had she not taken matters into her own hands. But then again, the same thing had happened to her, hadn’t it? It was only by chance that Burnham and Tyler had found her in her cell. They had come to blow up the ship, not to rescue her. Unwillingly, she wonders what the other Lorca would have done to her had she not been so hurt and in need of immediate treatment after her rescue. A shudder runs down her spine.

In the bathroom Gabriel turns off the shower and Katrina stands up, wipes a hand across her face and orders two mugs of tea for the both of them from the replicator. By the time Gabriel emerges from the bathroom the tea has cooled enough to drink. His hair is still damp and he’s wearing a fresh uniform though he left the jacket off. While his face is just as pale and drawn as it was before he fled the room the thousand yard stare is gone, Katrina notices gladly.

She offers him one of the cups with a small, cautious smile. “I made us some tea.”

He reaches for it gratefully. “Thank you.” He takes a sip and his eyes close in pleasure. “This tastes heavenly.”

“I know,” she says. When he looks at her with a questioning tilt of his head she explains, “I was a prisoner of the Klingons for a while. After weeks of stale water and broth I desperately longed for something, _anything_ , with a little taste in it.”

Gabriel frowns at her. “You were a POW?” he asks.

Katrina sighs, realizing her mistake. She puts her mug down and faces him, trying to prepare herself to talk about the horrible events of the last year. “A lot has happened while you’ve been gone, Gabriel – a lot of awful things. The Buran is just the beginning of a very long story.”

He notices her reluctance to talk about it. “You think I can’t handle it?”

“No, it’s not that.” She looks down at her hands. “I just don’t know where to start. There are some things I haven’t had time to come to terms with yet.” Her eyes flick back up to his. “Commander Burnham would probably be the better choice to fill you in.”

To her surprise, Gabriel reaches for her hand and entwines their fingers. “I don’t want to talk to Commander Burnham, Katrina. I spent over a year waiting and hoping to see you again. Don’t send me away now. Please.”

The last word and his pleading tone trigger a memory she’d rather forget. But she knows she owes him the truth, so she gathers all her strength and begins. He listens intently as she describes the other Lorca’s actions, how he faked his psych evaluations and got himself assigned to the Discovery. She talks about her diplomatic mission turned imprisonment, of her failed escape from the Klingon ship and the injuries she suffered.  She keeps to the basic facts as she tells him how the other Lorca manipulated the spore drive to get back to his universe, of the crews’ deeds there and the time jump they experienced when they came back. He looks surprised when she talks about Burnham’s decision to save the Emperor and downright shocked when she explains the Federation’s plan to destroy Qo’noS. It’s only when she comes to the part where Burnham’s words changed her mind that Gabriel says something.

“You gave the bomb to the Klingon who almost killed you?”

Katrina offers him a weak smile, feeling exhausted after talking for so long. And she hasn’t even touched on the subject of her interactions with the other Lorca yet, she thinks wearily. “L’Rell and I … I think we share a mutual respect for each other. I used her as much as she was using me when we tried to escape and I don’t blame her for what she did to me when we were discovered. We may not agree on a lot of things but we both want peace and a better future for our people. So far, it’s working out,” she says with a shrug.

“Let’s hope it stays that way,” Gabriel agrees with a half-smile of his own. “You know, I kept wondering why no one was coming for me. I thought, surely someone would notice I’m missing and some brilliant mind would work it all out. It never even crossed my mind that another me had taken my place.”

“Why not?” Katrina asks. “You must have realized you were in another universe.  Surely there were some familiar faces in that prison.”

Gabriel grimaces. “There were. Yours, for one.”

Her heart misses a beat. “Mine?”

“Yes, but she was nothing like you, Kat,” Gabriel explains. “She was an interrogator and there was no warmth in her, no love. The only thing she cared about was getting information out of me. While you spend your life helping people – she spends hers destroying them. She was so different from you that I never thought one of them could cross over into our universe without anyone noticing. But he somehow managed to fool you, didn’t he?”

Katrina bows her head in shame. “Not completely, just enough to get away with it. The signs were there from the beginning but I ignored them, telling myself you’d been through a traumatic experience and that’s why you were different. It was only when I met him in person that I realized just how wrong it all was.”

“What happened?” Gabriel asks.

She wraps her arms around herself and looks away. “I slept with him.”

* * *

In his newly assigned quarters, Gabriel Lorca stares at his life-long friend in shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope your day is just as great as mine has been!


	5. We push away what we can never understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys, a quick warning: in this chapter there is a discussion of rape. There's nothing graphic here but it deals with what happened between Katrina and Mirror!Lorca in Lethe, so if that's a trigger for you, please skip this chapter.
> 
> The chapter title comes from the song "It's quiet uptown" from the musical Hamilton.

**Chapter 5: We push away what we can never understand**

“You slept with him?” Gabriel echoes flatly. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I thought he was you?” Katrina shoots back, feeling defensive. “What do you want to hear, Gabriel? I didn’t even know mirror universes existed at the time, let alone that there was a way of crossing over. When I met him I saw my friend and I saw something was wrong with him. I wanted to find out what it was so I could help him.”

Gabriel raises an eyebrow at her. “So, is sleeping with your patients a new Starfleet-approved therapy method now?”

Unbidden, tears form in her eyes at his words. A part of her knows he’s only lashing out at her because his mind is overwhelmed right now and needs an outlet but it still hurts. His words hit a little too close to home for comfort. How often had she asked herself why she slept with the other Lorca that night. She knew it was unprofessional and had done it anyway. She’d tried to justify it by telling herself she’d only done it to get close to him but that didn’t make her feel better. If anything it made her feel worse because it meant she’d used him, and her relationship with her Gabriel had never been about that. No, the truth was she’d been lonely and still so very much in love with Gabriel she hadn’t been able to resist his mirror self when he’d invited her to his bed. She’d been so desperate for a few moments of comfort and closeness in the middle of war she’d thrown caution to the wind and slept with him despite her worries and concerns. She’d been incredibly selfish that night and, knowing what she does now, she feels even more pathetic.

Katrina wraps her arms tighter around herself and refuses to look Gabriel in the eye. “He wasn’t my patient. I came to see him because I was worried for my friend. Whatever I might have found out about him wouldn’t have made it into official records anyway. It’s no secret I’m biased when it comes to you. I hoped he’d talk to me, give me something to justify a more thorough psych evaluation.”

“And did he?” Gabriel asks.

She can’t quite read the tone of his voice but something about it irks her. “If choking me and holding me at phaser-point in bed counts, then yes, he did,” she snaps. Her heart begins to race just thinking about it.

Next to her, Gabriel goes still. Out of the corner of her eye, Katrina sees the shock on his face. “He did what?” he asks softly, sounding once more like the Gabriel she knows and loves. He reaches for her hand but she draws back, unable to stand his touch right now. “Did he hurt you?”

_More than you know_ , Katrina thinks as she stands up, needing to bring some distance between them. She feels like crying and throwing up at the same time. Over the last year she’s tried her best not to think about that encounter and hasn’t dealt with everything that happened at all. Beyond asking herself in the darkest and loneliest hours of the night why she let it happen she’d banned the memory from her mind. It’s a Pandora’s Box and she knows only shame, self-loathing and regret live in there. She has no desire to open it, not when she already has to deal with the other Lorca in her nightmares.

But here her Gabriel is, unconsciously poking and prodding at wounds that never healed, and Katrina feels pushed into a corner. She wants to flee, just like she had all those months ago when she thought she was going to die by the hand of the person she loved most in all the worlds. Bile rises in her throat and she closes her eyes against the memory. She’s holding herself so tightly she feels her fingernails digging into the spaces between her ribs.

“Katrina?” Gabriel says cautiously. “Please, talk to me.”

Her eyes snap open and she stares at him, suddenly afraid. She doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t want to face her demons and deal with her pain, not when she feels so vulnerable. Her breathing grows ragged as panic seizes her heart in a vice-like grip. It crashes over her like a wave and there’s nothing she can do to stop it.

She barely makes it to the bathroom before she throws up the meager contents of her stomach.

Her tears spill over and she curls up against the wall, desperately trying to keep silent as sobs wrack her body. A year too late the horror of that night finally catches up with her. All the feelings she kept so carefully locked away push to the forefront of her mind, fighting for dominance. She feels angry, hurt and violated, but underneath it all there is that terrible guilt because she doesn’t think she has the right to feel this way. The other Lorca hadn’t forced her to do anything that night. It was her choice to get into bed with him and nothing that happened between them went against her will.

And then there’s her Gabriel, and a completely different set of guilty feelings. She feels like she betrayed him by sleeping with the other him. She knows she let him down and, hunched in on herself on the cold bathroom floor, she fears she’s just broken the best thing in her life. This time, she can’t silence the sob that escapes her.

A moment later there’s a soft knock on the doorframe. “Katrina?” Gabriel asks, so softly and cautiously she doesn’t dare look at him. “Can I come in?”

Katrina shrugs even though she hates him seeing her like this – crying, hurting, broken. She isn’t the one freshly back from over a year of imprisonment in another universe. It shouldn’t be her falling apart and in need of comfort but here she is, breaking and crumbling and unable to stop it. Her face heats up in embarrassment and she hides it in her arms. It’s only by the shifting of air that she knows Gabriel’s sitting down next to her. She’s grateful he keeps his distance. “I’m sorry –“ she begins in a choked voice because she can’t stand the awful silence between them.

“Don’t,” Gabriel interrupts. “It’s me who should be sorry. And I am. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.” She hears him sigh, a small broken sound. “I always believed what we’d shared was special – something that defied all logic and could not be replicated. We both never settled down with someone else and I thought that’s why. And then you tell me you slept with him, that he managed to replace me so well he even fooled you and I … it felt like my whole world was turned upside down. That hurt and … and I was jealous – and that’s not an excuse, Kat, just an explanation. I’m sorry for what I said to you. I know you’d never sleep with your patients and I certainly have no right to blame you for sleeping with him.”

She lets out another broken sob. “It’s alright. I blame myself,” she whispers into her arms.

“I can see that,” Gabriel says quietly, voice full of sorrow.

“I never wanted to hurt you, Gabriel,” Katrina says, needing him to understand. “I really thought he was you, right up until Discovery came back. I feel so stupid.” Her breath hitches when a thought hits her. “God, you must hate me now.”

“I don’t hate you and you’re not stupid, Katrina” Gabriel tells her in a tone that breaks no argument. “Please don’t talk like that about yourself. What happened is not your fault. Do you hear me, Kat? It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I didn’t say this earlier. I should have, especially since I know how damn good those bastards are at manipulating.”

For the first time since Gabriel entered the bathroom Katrina lifts her head, just enough to look at him. “What happened?”

Gabriel lets his head fall back against the wall. “Your evil twin tried everything she could think of to get me to talk. Torture, promises of rewards, threats – you name it. I never told her anything about us but she knew I recognized her because I said your name the first time I saw her. One morning, I woke up to her straddling me. She was trying to seduce me.”

“Oh,” Katrina says softly. For a moment she forgets how to breathe as the implication of Gabriel’s words hit her.

He notices and shakes his head. “No, nothing happened, Kat,” he reassures her and she breathes out a sigh, relieved that he’d been spared that kind of torture. “I pushed her away and she didn’t force the issue, but she could have,” Gabriel goes on. “It’s not so hard to imagine her doing to me what their Lorca did to you.”

“But he didn’t do anything,” Katrina whispers in a small voice. “He didn’t force me, Gabriel.”

Gabriel gives her a small, sad smile. “Maybe not, but he slept with you under false pretenses. He took advantage of your feelings for me and used them against you. There’s nothing consensual about that, Kat. You know there isn’t.”

She does, and her face crumbles because it’s something she never thought would happen to her. Hearing Gabriel say it out loud makes it suddenly, painfully real, and she feels lost and in shock. She has the urge to throw up again. “I should have known he wasn’t you,” she says in a desperate attempt to hold onto her denial. “I should have known you’d never do the things he did. I should have –“

“Stop, Kat,” Gabriel says gently. “You did nothing wrong. You were put in a horrible situation and didn’t even know it. None of this is your fault. He’s a monster, and the way he used you and took advantage was not okay. If he wasn’t already dead I’d go right back to his universe and kill him for what he did.”

The walls around her come crashing down at his words and there is no more hiding from what had been done to her. She lurches forward and just makes it to the toilet before her stomach starts heaving. Nothing but bile comes up and when she leans back she feels shaky and exhausted. Gabriel’s gaze rests quietly on her as she tries to get her breathing back under control. To her surprise, he places his hand on the floor between them, palm facing upward. She stares at it, unable to comprehend what is happening.  

“How can you even look at me, let alone want to touch me after what I’ve told you?” Katrina asks, desperate to understand why Gabriel is here, why he isn’t running as far away from her as he can.  

“Because I love you, too,” Gabriel whispers and the words echo in the small room.

Taken aback and a little shocked, Katrina swallows hard and can’t help but ask, “You do?”

Gabriel nods and one side of his mouth pulls up into a soft smile. “More than words can say.”

His confession overwhelms her. A laugh that’s half sob escapes her as her mind goes on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. There’s the rush of joy she always imagined she’d feel when she’d finally hear the words, but there’s also the lingering doubt and fear that everything is going too fast and won’t last – because it never did so why should it now? She knows she hurt him and she knows she’s damaged goods but there’s also that little flicker of hope in her chest that maybe, just maybe, they’re just what the other needs to heal until they’re both a little less broken.

Her eyes flick back down to his hand, still lying on the bathroom floor and silently inviting hers to join it. The bones are more prominent than she remembers and the skin is rough and pale from months spent in a cell. But the lifelines she’s traced countless of times in the past haven’t changed. They’re comfortingly familiar and before she knows what she’s doing she places her hand in his. There is warmth underneath her fingertips and it spreads and engulfs her hand when he gently closes his fingers around hers. The whirlwind in her mind stops and suddenly everything is quiet and clear. She looks at Gabriel in wonder.

“It’s good to see you smile again,” he whispers into the quiet between them. Surprised, Katrina lifts her other hand to her lips. “You have no idea how much I missed your smile. And those dimples. I could never resist those.” She bites her lip as she feels her cheeks redden. Gabriel smiles at her. “Beautiful.”

“Oh, stop it,” Katrina says shakily. “I’m a mess and you know it.”

She drags a hand across her eyes and sniffs once. From somewhere Gabriel produces a tissue and she takes it gratefully. “Mess or not, I don’t care. I never have, Kat.”

Her chest tightens at his honest words. “I know.”

“Feeling better?”

Katrina thinks about that for a moment. “I’m exhausted,” she finally says, “but in a good way, I think. Who’d have thought talking actually helps?” Gabriel snorts and they share a small, amused smile. “No, really, I needed that. Thank you, Gabriel.”

He nods solemnly. “I didn’t do much but, any time, Kat.”

“What about you?” Katrina asks, searching his eyes for the same signs she ignored in herself for too long. “That was a lot you had to take in today.”

“I think I’m still in shock,” Gabriel says only half-jokingly. “The therapist is going to have a field day with me.”

Katrina looks at him sadly. “With both of us.”

“Maybe we can get a discount,” Gabriel muses. It startles a huff of laughter out of her. “There are those gorgeous dimples again,” he smiles. She shakes her head in fond exasperation and for a moment they just stare at each other. Then there’s a gentle squeeze of her hand. “What do you say we take this to the living area?”

“Good idea,” Katrina says. Her numb legs agree. She allows him to pull her up and lead her back to the couch. To her surprise he doesn’t sit down next to her but reaches for the doctor’s padd instead.

“You must be hungry. According to Dr. What-is-Humor, I am supposed to eat some chicken broth,” Gabriel says. “You want some as well or something else?”

Katrina shakes her head, even though she hasn’t eaten anything since that morning – and that was before they spend eight hours in another universe. “I don’t think I can stomach anything right now.”

Gabriel raises an eyebrow at her. “Broth it is, then.”

He doesn’t wait for her reply and Katrina knows it’s useless to protest anyway. Gabriel in mother-henning mode is a force to be reckoned with – something she learned during their Academy days when she came down with the flu. So she leans back into the cushions, brings her legs up and gets comfortable while she watches as he orders their dinner from the replicator.

* * *

Turning around with two bowls of broth in his hands, Gabriel Lorca can’t help but smile as he sees her curled up on the couch, looking tired, hurt and just as beautiful as the day he first met her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you don't mind that I dealt more with Katrina's trauma than with Gabriel's. Like I wrote in the chapter I think Gabriel had a lot to take in here and needs some time to sort through it while the whole conversation dragged everything Katrina wanted to bury out into the open. Also, Gabriel's time in prison was mostly uneventful. Yes, there were threats and he was tortured to some degree in the beginning of his captivity, but I think they mostly just kept him in isolation and didn't do anything too harmful to him because they thought he might be useful in the future. So Gabriel had nothing but time on his hands and could, at least partly, deal with what happened to him while in contrast Katrina didn't have the time or luxury to do that. 
> 
> Chapter 6 and the epilogue are already written, by the way, so this story is finished now and only needs revisions. I'm already planning a new story ... if anyone is interested in family fic? *g* Also, if you guys have anything you'd like me to write, don't hesitate to tell me! You can leave a comment here or contact me on tumblr at http://ailendolin.tumblr.com


	6. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all your comments and kudos! I hope you'll enjoy the last chapter of this story as well!
> 
> The title comes from the song "I wouldn't change anything" from the musical "The Unauthorized Autobiography of Samantha Brown".

**Chapter 6: I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat**

When Katrina wakes up the next day her eyes are puffy and her head feels full of cotton. There’s a foul taste in her mouth and a kink in her neck from sleeping on the couch that makes her grimace. Her mind, however, is calmer and clearer than it’s been in months. When she sits up the blanket Gabriel gave her last night falls from her shoulders. She smiles, still touched by his gesture. Being so tired after their dinner (if one could call it that, she thinks amused) she’d been on the verge of falling asleep on his couch and Gabriel had simply smiled and handed her a blanket, no words necessary.

“Gabriel?” she asks around a yawn. There’s no reply and a glance to the sleeping area shows her a perfectly made and empty bed. She frowns and turns her head towards the bathroom. The door is open and the lights are off. For a moment she fears yesterday was a dream but then her gaze falls on a glass of orange juice and a padd on the table and she sighs in relief. It’s a familiar sight, one she woke up to countless of times before. Whenever she stayed over at his quarters Gabriel would have a glass of orange juice ready for her the next morning even though he knows perfectly well how much she hates the stuff.

“It’s good for your health, Kat,” he used to say with that shit-eating grin of his she found highly irritating. Her protests and pleas for coffee always fell on deaf ears, so over time she learned to simply accept her fate and only rolled her eyes in mock-exasperation whenever he handed her some orange juice.

Now her heart warms at the sight because it’s something she thought she’d never get to see again.

Ignoring the glass for the moment Katrina reaches for the padd.

_Good morning, Kat,_

_I went to the mess hall for some porridge, per doctor’s orders. You’re welcome to join me for breakfast when you wake up._

_I hope you don’t mind I let you sleep. You looked really tired yesterday and I didn’t want to disturb you._

_Love,  
Gabriel_

_Ps: Drink that orange juice. It’ll make you feel better, promise._

Katrina chuckles and obediently takes a sip. It tastes as horrible as she remembers. She still drains the glass.

“Computer, what time is it?” she asks, sitting up.

“It is 0728, Earth Standard Time.”

Her eyes widen in surprise. She can’t even remember the last time she slept past seven. The war hadn’t been kind on her sleeping schedule.

After a short stop in her own quarters which included a quick shower, a fresh uniform and brushing her teeth, Katrina makes her way to Discovery’s mess hall. Even though she’s still a bit tired she feels refreshed and awake in a way she hasn’t in a long time – and hungry. It’s like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, and she thinks it actually has. Talking to Gabriel about what happened to her appeared to have allowed her to make that first tentative step towards healing. She knows she still has a long road ahead of her, they both have, but it feels like she’s finally able to breathe again now that the crushing pressure of her secrets, fears and regrets has been lifted off her chest.

When Katrina steps into the mess hall she almost stops in surprise when she finds Gabriel not alone, but in the company of Lieutenant Commander Stamets, Dr. Culber and Ensign Tilly – the latter of who waves enthusiastically when she spots her. “Admiral Cornwell, over here!”

Katrina smiles at her and quickly orders her breakfast from the replicator (toast with butter and strawberry jam and a cup of coffee – no orange juice, thank you very much) and joins them. Gabriel smiles softly at her when she sits down next to him. “Good morning.”

Sometimes she can’t believe the things his smile does to her even after all this time. “Good morning. Thanks for letting me sleep. You were right, I needed that.”

She only realizes what she said when three pairs of eyes turn to stare at her and a grin spreads across Tilly’s face. “So, you _were_ celebrating, huh?” the ensign asks with a cheeky grin.

Remembering Gabriel’s quiet breakdown in the bathroom followed by her own a bit more vocal one, Katrina finds it difficult not to wince. She doesn’t think _celebrating_ with Gabriel is going to happen anytime soon, not with the ghosts of the past still haunting them both so thoroughly. Searching for a reply and coming up empty, she stares at her toast as if it holds all the answers. It doesn’t but luckily Gabriel comes to her rescue. “Oh, we celebrated,” he says brightly. “We had a lovely talk, followed by a splendid dinner of delicious chicken broth which ended with her falling asleep on my couch. It was one hell of a party.”

Only years of knowing Gabriel’s dry sense of humor keep Katrina from grinning. Tilly, having only known Gabriel for less than a day, actually laughs out loud which causes several heads to turn in the mess hall, while the other two bite their lips in amusement.

“Sounds like a great evening,” Culber finally says.

Gabriel nods emphatically. “It was. What about yours?”

Stamets’ cheeks turn red in a matter of seconds while Culber somehow manages to keep a straight face. “Just as lovely, thank you very much – we didn’t get much sleep, though.”

Tilly chokes on her pancakes and Katrina really sympathizes with her. “I hope you have settled in well, Dr. Culber?” she asks, trying to get back to safer topics. “No aftereffects from your return?”

“None whatsoever,” Culber says. “Speaking of which: I wanted to thank you, Admiral. I would not be here if you hadn’t gone against Starfleet orders to save Captain Lorca. You gave me back my life, and for that I am forever in your debt.”

“We both are,” Stamets adds, reaching for Culber’s hand.

“No thanks needed,” Katrina says, smiling at them both. “If we’d known there was a way to save you, Dr. Culber, we’d have come for you sooner.” She feels Gabriel’s eyes on her and turns to look at him. “What?”

“You went against Starfleet orders for me?” he asks.

Right, she thinks, we never touched on that yesterday. There is no use in putting it off now, so she says, “I did. They wanted to change official records because it was easier than rescuing you, and I … I just couldn’t let them do that, not when there was a chance you were still alive. Luckily, this wonderful crew here agreed with me.” She shares smiles with Culber, Stamets and Tilly. “I couldn’t have done it without them.”

“And we couldn’t have done it without you, Admiral,” Stamets says quietly.

“Go, team!” Tilly agrees cheerfully. “We’re awesome.”

They all laugh in agreement though Katrina still sees a hint of concern in Gabriel’s eyes. It tells her they’re not done talking about this and she resigns herself to it. It doesn’t surprise her, not really. Gabriel has always been protective of her career because he knows how much it means to her. It’s one of the reasons why they didn’t stay together. Looking back on it, Katrina can’t believe she was so stupid and let him go. It’s a mistake she won’t make again.

The conversation topics shift from gossip to mundane, everyday things – the kind of stuff Gabriel always talked about in his _Kat Reports_ as he called them. She listens quietly as Tilly shares the story of her first meeting with Commander Burnham and is suddenly struck by how different this is from how she usually spends her mornings. Ever since she gave up her own command and started working at Starfleet Headquarters she’s been eating her breakfasts alone in either her flat or her office with only her own thoughts for company. Being around people, listening to an ensign telling embarrassing tales of her life or to a doctor and scientist arguing about opera of all things, really brings home how lonely and isolated she’s been since she made Admiral. She never realized how much she misses being around people, talking and joking about unimportant things that have nothing at all to do with strategy, war and death. Hearing people laugh so freely and simply enjoy each other’s company makes her wistful and happy at the same time. A look to her left tells her that Gabriel is just as enamored by their companions as she is. She can’t even begin to imagine how he must feel being surrounded by so many people who extend their hands in friendship after his time in prison and isolation.

Reaching out, Katrina gently taps his leg to get his attention. A little worried this all might be a little overwhelming to him she asks quietly, “Are you alright?”

Gabriel lets his hand slip from the table to cover hers and smiles. “I will be,” he says.

There’s a hint of sadness in his voice that tells her just how much he regrets not getting to be the captain of this crew. Her heart aches for him because he’ll probably never get that chance now, not after being imprisoned for a year. She knows Gabriel is going to face extensive psych evaluations after his therapy is completed to make up for Starfleet’s failures concerning the other Lorca, and when (if) he is declared fit for duty Discovery will already have a new captain. It’s not fair but there’s nothing either of them can do about it, no matter how much she wishes she could.

After breakfast they part ways with Culber, Stamets and Tilly and head back to Gabriel’s quarters. Once there, Gabriel wastes no time to bring up the matter of her mutiny again. “So, you really rebelled against Starfleet for me?”

“I actually almost didn’t,” Katrina admits, sitting down on the couch. Seeing his surprised look she explains, “I was in a bad place after the war. Hell, I still am. You saw that yesterday. I barely had any strength left in me to fight anymore when Starfleet gave up on you, Gabriel. I told myself you had to be dead because how could someone possibly survive in that universe on their own for so long? But when I had a little time to think about it, really think about it, I couldn’t deny that there was at least a possibility that you could be alive. It kept nagging at me and I brought it up with Command but they shot me down immediately. It was when they wanted me to sign off on an altered report of the Buran incident and declare you dead that I decided to _rebel_ , as you called it.”

“I can’t believe you went against everything you believe in on the off-chance you could bring me home. You were always so … by the book,” Gabriel says. He stares at her with so much wonder in his eyes that Katrina feels her face heat up.

“I didn’t go against everything I believe in,” she tells him gently. “I stood up for my beliefs. This crew taught me that.”

“I bet Starfleet sees things a little differently,” Gabriel says.

Katrina snorts. “You could say that. I’m suspended until further notice and will probably lose my rank over this.”

“Oh Kat, I’m so sorry,” Gabriel says, looking stricken.

She shakes her head and reaches for his hands. “Don’t be. I’m not. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat if it meant you’re safe.”

For a moment Gabriel regards her quietly. “Have I ever told you that you’re the most extraordinary woman I’ve ever known?” he finally says softly. “You are amazing, Kat. Absolutely, wonderfully, breathtakingly amazing.”

She wants to look away, never having been good at receiving compliments, but she forces herself to hold his gaze. “Thank you.”  

“No,” Gabriel says earnestly, “thank _you_ – for bringing me home and not giving up on me.” There’s a shy, boyish smile lighting up his face and Katrina knows him long enough to know what’s coming. “I don’t know if it’s too soon, and please tell me if it is, but … may I kiss you?”

Her heart rate rises and she doesn’t have to think about her reply. “Always.”

They’ve kissed countless of times in the past. They shared slow kisses on Sunday afternoons and heated ones in the middle of the night. There were hurried pecks before meetings and ceremonies, and a quick brush of lips when one of them was late for work in the morning.

The kiss they share now feels like a first kiss – tentative, tender and timid. It’s a gentle press of lips against lips, solid and reassuring. Hands come up and settle on both sides of her face. Two thumbs stroke lovingly across her cheekbones and she loses herself in the sensation. She doesn’t think they have ever kissed like that and she doesn’t want it to stop.

Their actual first kiss happened on a dare at a party thanks to Gabriel’s friends. It had been over almost as soon as it began, just long enough for their lips to clumsily meet and nearly miss each other. There hadn’t been any romantic feelings between them then, just friendship, but that kiss changed everything. Katrina hadn’t been able to get it out of her head and, apparently, neither had Gabriel, for a week later he came to her dorm room and said, “Alright, so I think we can agree that kiss was pretty awful. I apologize for that, and I promise I can do better … if you’re interested?”

She had been. The rest, as they say, is history.

When they pull apart from their first kiss in years Katrina almost whines in disappointment, but then Gabriel leans his forehead against hers and for one beautiful, peaceful moment the world is perfect. “I’ve wanted to do that since the moment you entered sickbay,” Gabriel murmurs.

“I love you,” Katrina whispers, just because she can. She hopes the novelty of saying the words will never wear off.

Gabriel’s lips meet hers again and she can feel him smile. “And I love you,” he says before leaning back. She grins, feeling stupidly happy, and he grins right back. “Is it normal to feel like a teenager at our age? Because right now I do, sweaty hands, rapid heartbeat, butterflies ...”

Katrina laughs. “Maybe? I don’t know.”

Gabriel’s grin softens into a smile and he takes her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles. It leaves a pleasant tingling in its wake. “Where do we go from here, Kat?”

“Earth?” Katrina asks innocently.

He playfully swats her arm. “I know that. I mean, after the hearings and whatever else Starfleet has in store for us.”

She looks down at his hands, large in her smaller ones, and gently traces the veins she finds there. “I don’t know,” she says honestly. “I can’t make any promises, not when I have no idea what’s going to happen to me. But,” and here Katrina looks back up at him, “I don’t ever want to lose sight of you again, Gabriel.”

“Good,” Gabriel smiles, “because neither do I.”

A thought strikes her. “You could come and stay with me while we’re on Earth,” she suggests hopefully.

“Not that I wouldn’t love to but you do know I have my own quarters, right?” Gabriel asks.

Katrina winces. “I’m afraid your quarters were reassigned when we thought Discovery destroyed.”

Gabriel sighs and pinches his nose. “Of course they were. Please tell me you saved my stuff.”

“If by stuff you mean your anatomical paintings, then yes,” Katrina says. She vividly remembers the day she had to go through Gabriel’s belongings and decide what to keep and what to throw away. It had been one of the longest and most painful days of her entire life. “I also kept your drawing utensils, all data padds I could find and that hideous cup you love so much. I’m afraid you’ll have to find some new clothes, though.”

To her surprise, Gabriel pulls her into a quick hug. “Forget the clothes, Kat. You’re the best. Thank you.”

Katrina shrugs when he pulls back from the embrace. “To be honest I couldn’t bear the thought of your life being thrown away just like that. And let me tell you, I gave Starfleet Command one hell of a piece of my mind when I found out they’d ordered your flat to be cleared out without notifying me. The clean-up crew was not amused when I barged in and ordered them out just as they were about to begin their work.”

Gabriel laughs. “That’s my Kat: strong, fierce and not someone you want to mess with.”

“Not when it comes to you, at least,” she smiles.

For a moment silence settles between them.  

“Why the hell did we ever break up, Kat?” Gabriel asks, shaking his head. “We make a good team, don’t we?”

Katrina nods. “We do. We always have. Our careers just seemed more important at the time.”

“And now?” Gabriel asks quietly.

“Now,” Katrina says, leaning closer, “I couldn’t care less about my career.”

* * *

When the woman he’s been in love with for the better part of his life seals her words with a kiss, Gabriel Lorca knows he’s finally come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! The epilogue will be posted on Saturday.


	7. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

“So, that went well.”

Gabriel gives her a look. “They’ve demoted you to Commodore.”

“At least it’s not a dishonorable discharge,” Katrina says brightly as they walk side by side towards the exit of Starfleet Headquarters. “Actually, I’m sort of happy about the demotion.”

“Nobody is happy about a demotion, Kat,” Gabriel tells her with a frown.

Katrina shrugs. “Well, I am. I’m tired of all that responsibility, Gabriel. Let someone else deal with Starfleet’s messes for a while. I’m perfectly happy teaching at the Academy for the foreseeable future.”

Gabriel’s eyes soften. “You do deserve a break.”

“We both do,” Katrina says seriously, stopping him in his steps with a hand on his arm. “Also,” she adds, unable to hide her grin, “thanks to your promotion, Commodore, we share the same rank now. There’s no regulation that says two people of equal rank can’t be together.”

“Well, in that case, Commodore Cornwell,” Gabriel grins back, “congratulations to your demotion. Will you allow me to take you out for a little celebration today?”

Katrina pretends to think about it. “Just this once because you look cute in that dress uniform of yours.”

“Cute?” Gabriel asks, sounding affronted. “I’m handsome and manly, thank you very much.”

“Says the guy who keeps a pet tribble of all things,” Katrina points out, amused.

“Hey, I only have Merkin because you gave him to me in the first place. You love the little guy and you know it,” Gabriel says smugly.

Katrina leans closer so she can whisper in his ear, “There’s someone else I love even more.”

To her delight the tips of Gabriel’s ears turn a little pink. “That someone will pick you up as soon as he’s done with his therapy session, alright?”

“Perfect,” Katrina says, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Where are we going?”

Gabriel grins at her. “I hope you still have your hiking boots.”

She does. Three hours later Gabriel is at her door just as he promised. Katrina is already dressed and ready to go and so is he, judging by the brand new hiking attire he’s wearing. The first thing she sees when she opens the door, however, is the flowers he’s holding out to her and not the new clothes.

“Orchids?” she asks, smiling. “You do know my birthday is still a few weeks away, right? You’re a bit early.”

Gabriel hands her the flowers and gives her a soft kiss. “No, Kat. I’m actually pretty late.”

The smile slowly slips off her face as his words sink in. As she regards the flowers, their petals a dark purple interspaced with fine white lines, a lump forms in her throat. He hadn’t forgotten, after all, not even stuck in another universe. She thought Gabriel wanted to take her hiking because it’s a passion they both share, not because he’s trying to make up for lost time. All the pain and disappointment she felt almost a year ago pale in comparison to the happiness and love rushing through her now.

“Are you alright?” Gabriel asks and Katrina realizes she’s been quiet for too long.

Her eyes meet his and, unable to put her thoughts and feelings into words, she wraps one of her hands around his neck and draws him down for a kiss that seems to last an eternity. She smiles at him when they break apart. “Let me just find a nice spot for these beauties and we can go.”

She feels his eyes on her back as she places the orchids next to the lilies he got her the year before. Making sure to give Merkin a little scratch on her way out Katrina grabs her bagpack and rejoins Gabriel at the door. “Ready?” he asks, smiling.

She entwines her fingers with his. “Ready.”

* * *

Seeing her eyes light up as they watch the sunset together, Gabriel Lorca tightens his arms around her and thinks, _I’m the luckiest person in all the universes_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! Thank you for coming with me on this journey, for commenting and leaving kudos! I really appreciate all your feedback and it makes me so happy that you guys enjoyed this story!
> 
> I'll be back with more Kat and Gabriel soon! Chapter 1 of a three-chaptered family!fic is already written and I'm currently working on chapter 2. I promise Kat, Gabriel, a baby and Auntie Pippa ;)


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